


Lie

by ThreeWhiskeyLunch



Series: Dreamland [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: A Toast to Ashley, Angst, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 20:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13666281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreeWhiskeyLunch/pseuds/ThreeWhiskeyLunch
Summary: The crew assembles for a toast to one of the fallen. Shepard is not okay.





	Lie

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt fill from tumblr.
> 
> missannaraven asked:  
> If I ask extra nicely, could you please write drabble prompt 33 "You can lie to yourself..." for MShenko? *winning smile*

The mood is somber and quiet as they sit in chairs around the mess hall tables or cluster in small groups. Even Wrex has migrated up from the shuttle bay, shuffling through the crew with a delicacy that belies his bulk, coming to rest next to Kaidan and Garrus. Several bottles of assorted alcohol appear, one of them a 20-year Scotch that Kaidan suspects had come from Presley’s private stash. They tip liquid into paper cups but don’t drink. There’s still one person missing (two people missing), and so they wait for the commander to appear from his debrief with Anderson and the Council.

When he finally emerges from the elevator, he looks haggard. Tired beyond tired, and Kaidan’s heart aches from the weight he sees Shepard carry on his shoulders. Shepard stops short, seeing his crew gathered as if drawn by a magnetic field and realization dawns on his weary face, nearly crumpling in on itself for one horrific moment before he straightens his shoulders, the mask of leadership smoothing out the rough lines. He nods and steps forward through the group, saying a few quiet words in response to those who speak to him. He scans the crowd and finds Kaidan with a heavy sigh of relief and sadness, moving over to stand at his side.

Kaidan pours a measure of the whiskey and passes it to him, their fingers brushing softly. Shepard nods again, his gaze searching Kaidan’s face as if hoping to find answers that he knows can’t be answered. Then his gaze is gone, looking down into the depths of the cup and he stays that way for long minutes as the room is still, everyone watching and waiting, no one daring to breathe. Kaidan wonders silently about what must be running through Shepard’s thoughts, his head slightly bent, almost appearing to be praying.

Then Shepard looks up and raises the cup. He takes a deep breath. “To Ashley Williams. May she fly on swift wings.”

“To Ashley,” the crew says as one, raising their cups and drinking.

The whiskey burns down Kaidan’s throat, settling in his stomach with a spreading warmth. When he next turns to Shepard, he watches as he looks back down into the cup, still undrunk, and says so quietly Kaidan can barely hear, “ _I am a part of all that I have met; Yet all experience is an arch wherethro’ gleams that untravell’d world whose margin fades for ever and forever when I move_.”*

Shepard tips the cup to his lips and drinks in one swallow, the jut of his Adam’s apple bobbing. He looks at Kaidan with such sorrow it seems it will devour them both whole.

“You okay, Shepard?”

The room is so still he can hear Shepard breathe, his chest rising and falling with slow, measured beats. An old sniper’s trick. “Yeah,” he says finally. “I’m fine, Kaidan. Thanks.” And then he moves away, weaving through the departing crowd to his quarters, the cup crushed thoughtlessly in his hand.

“You can lie to yourself…” Kaidan whispers.

**Author's Note:**

> *Shepard speaks lines that come from further down the poem that Ashley recites in ME1. ~Alfred, Lord Tennyson _Ulysses_


End file.
